2018 had some incredible highs & a fuck ton of lows. A trying, difficult, devastating year in so many ways.. but I’m still here. I’m still me. People left my life, others entered it. Isn’t that how it goes? The constant revolving door that is our lives. In the end, you truly only have yourself, so we’ve got to learn to be happy with the people we are or else work on what we don’t like. I’ve learned a lot about myself & who I am. Who I want to be. The way I’ve grown & will continue to grow & the kind of person I have always been. I’m not ashamed of what is within me. I am good enough.. I’m a freak, I’m a weirdooo. I’m actually kinda rad!
I want to thank the book community (Bookstagram & book Twitter, specifically) for reminding me that real, true people are out there. I’d like to think they outnumber the fake as fuck people that pretend to be something they aren’t just to impress & those that allow social media to dictate how they should run their lives. What’s that quote? “Never trust people who are comfortable wearing masks.” That facade can only last for so long before others will catch on. So fuck that.
I don’t need constant validation, that’s just not me. As much as I appreciate all the likes & comments & retweets.. it’s not why I stick around. I genuinely love doing this, especially the #grimdragon community that I helped to start & have continued on with. Fostering it into this glorious, open, safe place to nerd out. A place that is a proponent for diversity & equal rights. After all this time, it still fuels my heart. The comments I receive from people who feel like they have found their place because of the challenge, having women in particular message me about how I’ve inspired them to branch out in what they read. How I just read what I like with no apologies. Because fuck people who think there are sex specific books. There aren’t “girl” books or “guy” books. There are just.. books. Those comments pack a fierce gut-punch. I appreciate them more than I can say. Truly. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is why I keep hosting the challenge. Because it is so much more. It’s so fucking special (did I just quote Radiohead again? Yeah, yeah I did.)
My wish for you in 2019, dear reader, is to do something that feeds your soul. Become passionate about something. Laugh until your face hurts. Get lost in a book with no distractions. Breathe. Listen to music that makes you FEEL. Step away from technology for a bit. Look up at the sky. Listen to the hum of.. living. LIVE.
“She never sang about what happened beyond that threshold, nor spoke of it to anyone who wasn’t present themself. What was obvious, though, to those who knew her before and after that morning, was that the woman who emerged was distinctly changed from the girl who’d entered.
Her smiles were shorter. Her laugh was louder. She became distracted at times, and would stare at nothing with a look of shattered sorrow that passed like a cloud the moment someone spoke her name.
She loved less quickly, but more fiercely, and made certain that those she cared for knew it well.
Sometimes she wept when it snowed..”